Friday Freewrite…where I set the timer for a random time and just write, no edits.
Photo: joy filled days dot com
I have a half marathon tomorrow. I’m not excited. I feel undertrained. I am afraid of pain. My last few long runs have been painful and frankly I’m not sure I’ll finish 13.1 miles tomorrow without a significant amount of pain. And I don’t mean slight soreness. I mean pain. Searing, someone-is-doing-voodoo-on-my-left-knee-with-an-ice-pick pain.
What happened to the girl who was EXCITED to do these things? Confident she would finish relatively discomfort-free? Dunno.
Kristen G and me before the 2010 Soaring Wings Half Marathon.
Yes, I know I chose to register and I can choose not to do this race. But I don’t want to wimp out.
Not only am I a-feared of this race, I am sad about missing 2 entertainment opportunities tonight. When did giving up night-before-race entertainment options become a burden rather than a pleasure, in the excitement of a cool race experience the next day? Dunno.
I’ve completed a marathon and 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, so I know training requires sacrifice. Training runs instead of lounging at home with doggie on couch. Being in bed early Friday and Saturday nights because of an early long run the next day. I cannot have it all.
Being at the start line at 730am means rising at 5am for breakfast and other pre-race preps, leaving my house at 630 to get there in time to park and have my raceday meltdown/bitchiness. Some of you know EXACTLY what I mean because, unfortunately, you’ve been there with me.
So. Tonight I’m missing Ashley McBryde at Reno’s Argenta Cafe with her FULL BAND. [GO IF YOU CAN!] Yes, I see Ashley perform many times, but a full band gig is rare. It starts at 10pm…2 hours after I plan to be in bed. Because, race.
AND I had to pass on 2 free tickets opening night at The Rep. Champagne reception. The show starts at 8…1 hour after I plan to be in bed. Because, race.
Me, Sarah, Erin, and Milo the Dog – National Running Day 2013
Yes, I know that many other people cannot walk even a step, much less run around the track once (I’ve been there), or complete a race. I know this in my brain, cognitively. But my little selfish heart says WAH WAH WAH. I want to be able to do a race AND feel excited about it AND not worry about pain AND do other stuff leading up to the race.
I know that this is the mental/emotional challenge of running. “Running is 80% mental, 20% physical” yadda yadda. And I WILL overcome. ESPECIALLY with the love and encouragement of my sole sisters, the HOT LEGS RUNNING GROUP and my friends and loved ones who will be route-side, cheering.
But for now, wah.