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Recently a road trip had me in the car for 12 hours by myself. My route was a series of rural highways that snaked around Arkansas delta farmland and passed through several small towns, some quaint, some dying.
As is usually the case, my playlist became stale and there were few local radio stations (I don’t have satellite). I happened upon a Christian radio station and decided to listen for a bit.
Before I go further, let me explain that for at least 10 years, I was a regular listener to and supporter of Christian radio stations. I rocked the contemporary Christian music. I spent my formerly long commutes listening to Bible classes and talk shows and the like. In the past several years, I quit listening for a number of reasons, chief being that I increasingly found myself disgusted, angry and sad at the messages that were being broadcast.
But…I don’t want to be isolated, either. I want to have exposure to a diversity of people/opinions/media in my life. So I decided to listen to this particular talk show for a bit.
I don’t know the name of the show, host, or guest because I didn’t listen very long. The topic was how to stand your ground with your convictions and have compassion. It seemed promising. The guest was reasonable and seemed to approach the topic with, well, compassion. But the host became increasingly more strident. As it became evident that the guest would not ramp up the drama/emotion, the host did. The host used phrases such as “the gay agenda” and “the gays throwing it in our faces.” Despite the guest’s attempts to respond and comment, the host interrupted. The conversation morphed from a dialogue into a platform for the host to express his (Christian) views.
After 15 minutes, I clicked off the radio and drove in silence for about an hour. As a communicator by profession, I am fascinated by how people use language, what makes effective communication and what causes talk to devolve into discord.
I hate the phrase “the gay agenda.” It’s general..and undefined, to my knowledge. What IS the gay agenda? To have same-sex marriage be legalized? Same-sex insurance coverage? To destroy traditional marriage? I’d rather have someone say, “I don’t agree with XYZ and I don’t like how many individuals and groups are pushing for it” rather than, “Ugh, the gay agenda.”
I feel as if this post isn’t fully thought out but I wanted to capture it before it slipped away.
If talk of bodily functions bothers you, click away now. Today, a conversation about musical therapy of sorts…with a friend who has the unfortunate situation of constipation.
ME: Today is the birthday of Aaron Copland. Fanfare for the Common Man.
Friend: As far as Aaron Copland goes, you’re way more into show tunes and sh*t than I am so…
ME: He’s classical. :-)
Friend: I know.
ME: Oh. Ok. I love that he defined the “American” sound for composition. I know you love music so give it an ear if you wish. I hope it moves you so much you poop.
Friend: Appalachian Song?
ME: Rodeo-IV. Hoedown might do it. App Spring might be too gentle. You need some movement. And driving rhythm.
Happy Birthday Aaron Copland. I really am a fan.
Wow, do I feel self-absorbed and pitiful. (This morning, I spent a few hours pouting, feeling fearful, and anxious.)
My first Soaring Wings Half Marathon, 2010, I ran in honor of Grandma. I gave my mother, her daughter, a shadowbox of my medal, bib, and photo.
I have a rather, uh, colorful outfit for tomorrow’s race. I’m sure Grandma would say, “You look so chic!” and she’d pronounce the CH as in chicken not as /sh/.
Do I still feel anxious about tomorrow’s race? Heck yeah. But I’m ready to suck it up, Buttercup. And I’m excited. I just had to get my head straight. As in, head out of my a$$.
Me and my CHic self are gonna rock this thing tomorrow, in whatever shape or form it takes to finish. For Grandma!
I know. I know This post is self-absorbed, obvs! Geez. But really, I share so that anyone who may also have similar pre-race feelings can maybe get a different perspective too.
Friday Freewrite…where I set the timer for a random time and just write, no edits.
I have a half marathon tomorrow. I’m not excited. I feel undertrained. I am afraid of pain. My last few long runs have been painful and frankly I’m not sure I’ll finish 13.1 miles tomorrow without a significant amount of pain. And I don’t mean slight soreness. I mean pain. Searing, someone-is-doing-voodoo-on-my-left-knee-with-an-ice-pick pain.
What happened to the girl who was EXCITED to do these things? Confident she would finish relatively discomfort-free? Dunno.
Yes, I know I chose to register and I can choose not to do this race. But I don’t want to wimp out.
Not only am I a-feared of this race, I am sad about missing 2 entertainment opportunities tonight. When did giving up night-before-race entertainment options become a burden rather than a pleasure, in the excitement of a cool race experience the next day? Dunno.
I’ve completed a marathon and 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, so I know training requires sacrifice. Training runs instead of lounging at home with doggie on couch. Being in bed early Friday and Saturday nights because of an early long run the next day. I cannot have it all.
Being at the start line at 730am means rising at 5am for breakfast and other pre-race preps, leaving my house at 630 to get there in time to park and have my raceday meltdown/bitchiness. Some of you know EXACTLY what I mean because, unfortunately, you’ve been there with me.
So. Tonight I’m missing Ashley McBryde at Reno’s Argenta Cafe with her FULL BAND. [GO IF YOU CAN!] Yes, I see Ashley perform many times, but a full band gig is rare. It starts at 10pm…2 hours after I plan to be in bed. Because, race.
AND I had to pass on 2 free tickets opening night at The Rep. Champagne reception. The show starts at 8…1 hour after I plan to be in bed. Because, race.
Yes, I know that many other people cannot walk even a step, much less run around the track once (I’ve been there), or complete a race. I know this in my brain, cognitively. But my little selfish heart says WAH WAH WAH. I want to be able to do a race AND feel excited about it AND not worry about pain AND do other stuff leading up to the race.
I know that this is the mental/emotional challenge of running. “Running is 80% mental, 20% physical” yadda yadda. And I WILL overcome. ESPECIALLY with the love and encouragement of my sole sisters, the HOT LEGS RUNNING GROUP and my friends and loved ones who will be route-side, cheering.
But for now, wah.