zestoflittlerock

How do you deal with grief?

“This?” I thought. “This is the opening question from the therapist who I had sought to process marital problems?” I looked at her and blinked. Blinked again. Sat there what felt like 30 minutes before I realized…

ANGER. Anger is how I grieve.

My parents divorcing? Anger.

I’m unable to conceive a baby? Anger.

My marriage falling apart? Anger.

Not getting my way? Anger.

And not just “grrrrrr I’m angry” anger. Ugly angry. Cussing-like-a-pirate angry. Two-year-old-tantrum angry. Acting-out anger.

My awareness since that day in therapy three years ago has helped me to process grief, disappointment, loss since then. Oh, I still feel anger; I’m just getting better at noticing it sooner and “dealing with it” in, hopefully, more healthy ways.

How about you?

photo: divinecaroline dot com

I’ve been pouring myself into my hand-written journal these past few weeks. Writing long-hand is an entirely different experience than typing a blog post. I’m sure a Ph.D. candidate has studied this…I’ll google that later.

Handwriting is a full-body experience–the physical act of handwriting, moving the hand across the page, turning the page, sitting and adjusting positions to write more easily on the page. I have many tear-stained pages. I am tired at the end of writing, much like the finish of a good run, and while the situation hasn’t changed, I find myself more at peace.

I have journals and diaries dating back to when I was in 5th grade. I have an arrangement with my bestie that, when I die (and she’s still alive), she will get to my journals and burn them. No posthumous reading and/or publishing pleeeeease!

Do you keep a hand-written journal? What’s your experience?